I woke up at 545 am, with a migraine and a really nauseaous feeling. I took my morning IVF meds and some paracetamol, I walked the dog, I tried to control the smoldering comet that is my other blog, and I drank a bit of coffee (no, I haven't given it up, but I am down from 4 cups a day to just one, which the RE said was OK.)
Then I had a bowl of yogurt.
Which I promptly threw up in the bathroom.
The brown spotting is basically done now, but Panty Check 2006 continues.
All morning I've been exhausted and light-headed, racked with indigestion and Sweet Jesus everything fucking smells. Everything smells a lot. I have to keep washing my hands, my clothes, my face, whatever, all because of the smells. I'm not that bad a housekeeper, I know-except for a good hoovering and the lawn being mowed, the house is basically clean but Christ on a piece of toast the smells are killing me.
I decided to take a shower.
And I have to confess I was fucking inches away from taking a pregnancy test. I even unwrapped the box and everything. Then, in a fit of "ohmigod if it's negative you'll be desperate for a drink and man who knows negative feelings could in fact not only your emotions and Aidan's kids are here tonight and you can't be a sobbing mess in front of them but negative feelings could even influence the test and make it go negative just when the Dr. Seuss baby was finishing implanting and it would somehow know you were being negative and be all 'fuck you, I'm leaving then and will go find someone more positive' and then I'd be bereft".
I always think in run-on sentences.
I made myself sit down immediately on the toilet and got rid of all that urine.
I am handlling this 2ww far worse than any of the other ones, ever. Mostly, because for the first time? I have symptoms, and I fight to keep them assigned to the medication (I read the progynova pamphlet last night and shouted to Aidan, engrossed in the "How's It Made" TV show, Look! It cases flatulence! OK, so all the drugs have, but still! And headaches! And nausea! And indigestion! See! It's the drugs! The drugs! To which I had Aidan replying: But you didn't have those symptoms earlier, babe. To which I replied with. "-".) because I don't want to have to post next Weds with the words "Fucking asshole". I really don't.
Posted by Vanessa at August 11, 2006 12:07 PM | TrackBackI'm keeping you in my thoughts, and I agree also with caltechgirl's comment. :)
Posted by: amber at August 12, 2006 12:21 AMI read your site every day - and today I am hoping for you with all my heart and with so much strength it brings tears to my eyes.
Seriously - my coworkers just looked at me like there was something wrong.
Posted by: Jenny (vegas) at August 11, 2006 10:11 PMI agree with caltechgirl...keep trying to convince yourself it's the meds, at least for now. Let the rest of us do all the big time hoping for you.
Posted by: Ornery at August 11, 2006 09:49 PMoh hon. Just keep thinking it's the meds. Then you can be pleasantly surprised.
Have a good weekend with the kiddos.
Posted by: caltechgirl at August 11, 2006 07:12 PMI am so very optimistic. Continuing to wish you good thoughts!
Posted by: Polichick at August 11, 2006 06:12 PMVanessa. I am so totally hopeful for you. xxxx
Posted by: Meg at August 11, 2006 01:26 PM