So now I'm 5 days post a 3 day transfer.
Woohoo.
Friday, Saturday and a bit of Sunday were spent with cramps. Not like period cramps, but some kind of lower, tighter feeling. It was as though I'd been doing too many situps combined with feminine issues (I most certainly have not been doing situps. In fact, I haven't even been to yoga in months as IVF is not really conducive to the type of yoga I'd been doing and I am in no way presumptuous enough to sign up for neonatal yoga classes because that would not only be some kind of jinx, I'd be a serious poseur in that class of a room full of pregnant women. Gah!) I have no idea what the cramps were-according to my calendar, if my period were coming it'd come on Wednesday this week, but the insane amount of hormones I am on and have been on make me think that, even if this cycle is negative, my period will likely not be here on Wednesday.
I've also been nauseous and headache-y, but I honestly think that's due to the weather-yesterday was hotter than Roseanne's buttcrack and even though I tried to drink water constantly, in that kind of heat the only way to stay hydrated is through an IV (tempting).
Friday night was Book Club night and I was hosting it. Angus and I cooked dinner and cleaned up and when the ladies came, there was much uncorking of wine. They looked at my glass of lemonade suspiciously, and I lied and told them that I had been burning the candle at both ends and was riding the antibiotic pony to clear up cystitis. They bought the story.
I felt guilty for lying.
Especially since two of the ladies in the Book Club are infertile themselves-one of them is even an IVF veteran, and came out the other side of many rounds deeply in debt and childless.
The truth is, absolutely no one in our real lives knows about this FET cycle. During my fresh cycle two of my coworkers and the Book Club knew about it, but this time? We told no one.
If I am honest, I feel very positive about this cycle, which is probably a mistake that will send me into the heaviest drinking binge this side of my University Year 1994. My therapist keeps telling me to be positive, to visualize being pregnant, and honestly, I think I am. Which, again, is an incredibly dangerous thing to do. Positive might have me feeling really stupid in a week and a half, just long enough to raise my head from an open bottle (I don't need alcohol. I just really, really like it and the mind-numbing opportunities it grants).
I'll just blame my therapist, yes?
Posted by Vanessa at August 7, 2006 09:47 AM | TrackBackI think the cramping is a really good sign of a positive! GL2U! :)
Posted by: Lara at August 8, 2006 06:09 AMGood luck! Aggh, that sounds so trite, but I really mean it. That whole feel-positive-or-not is something I'm struggling with right now, so I don't know what to say to you about it... other than I hope that all your positive thinking turns into a positive beta. You definitely deserve it!
Posted by: Rachel at August 8, 2006 12:02 AMGlad you are feeling positive about the cycle. Hopefully, the rest of the wait will be worryfree and upbeat. And yes, of course you could blame your therapist, and the grocery clerk, the gas station attendent, neighborhood dog walker... any old person you want.
But, I'm feeling positive for you too so chances are there will be no blame to pass around! Take care, xoxo
Posted by: Lassie at August 7, 2006 10:21 PMI'm on day two of my post ovulation wait. I think I can muster up enough positive thinking for both of us! I am really, really wishing for this for you.
Posted by: Lindsay at August 7, 2006 10:11 PMSometimes we have to learn to take the risk and be vulnerable... I am not one to speak as I am currently nursing my burns from taking a risk myself... But the one thing I realised in all of it, was that despite my utter terror, not taking a risk held a much higher price.
Risk to believe, it might just work Vanessa. And if it does- I'll be your biggest cheerleader! :)
thinking good thoughts for you!!!
Posted by: stinkerbell at August 7, 2006 09:05 PMThinking good thoughts for you.
Posted by: April at August 7, 2006 08:07 PMIf you can see it, you can be it, they say. Yeah, I know, hogwash. But at least it keeps you positive.
So what if you spent all this time visualizing hoping and trying and it doesn't work? You move on. Either you try again, or you don't, but you move forward no matter what. Spending your days in the bottom of a bottle won't help that.
I know it doesn't seem like it, and it sure as hell sounds trite, but there are a lot of things in your life beyond the little aliens trying to find a perch in your oh-so-comfy charmin lining. And they are pretty good things: a nice boy, a lovely house, the second cutest dog ever (still prejudiced), and plenty of time to sort out what's happening or not happening.
As for myself, these damn crossed fingers are starting to get a bit stiff after 5 days crossed!
Posted by: caltechgirl at August 7, 2006 07:11 PMI am visualizing you pregnant too! With all my heart!
Posted by: Jenny (vegas) at August 7, 2006 06:40 PMI hope you are right.
Posted by: jenny at August 7, 2006 06:21 PMWishing you a POSITIVE outcome!!
Posted by: beagle at August 7, 2006 02:48 PMBest luck to a desreving lady.
Posted by: Foggy at August 7, 2006 11:07 AM