Twisted Ovaries

Am I Pregnant? Am I Not Pregnant?

So I'm nearly to the halfway mark of my two week wait. The first week, I have to say, has gone by fast and thank God for little favors. This weekend is shaping up to be a busy one, as Aidan is in Stockholm for the weekend, so it's the cats, the puppy and I dancing around the living room while watching Chicken Little and painting the living room a bright cheery color, as opposed to the drab taupe color it is now (if I'm here thanking the deities, I might as well offer one up to the Dulux God. The Dulux catalog is my new bible, there can be no house painting without it.)

Next week is back to back with meetings in London as well, so I'll have little time to sit around in the house and watching my sprouting gladiolas in the garden and wonder if I'm pregnant. Instead, I'll be sitting around on trains to London or in meeting rooms trying to whack a path into my email inbox and wonder if I'm pregnant. You know-a totally different thing. On testing day next Friday I've arranged to be home the whole day-while I was previously opposed to Aidan being away that day as well, I've come to change my position-if it's negative I'll be taking to the bed first thing in the morning with a big bottle of alcohol anyway, so I won't be much fun. If it's positive, it'll still be positive when he gets home so nothing changed there.

As far as symptoms go, I have loads but then again it could all be the progesterone. I have cramps, I have gas (the unable-to-tighten-sphincter-in-time kind, so when I'm sitting down I make sure I never lean forward. This will be my golden rule in London meetings next week as well.) I have swift and sudden cramps that then disappear. I have cravings for cheese, but then again that's not so unusual for me as cheese is the solid form of the elixir of life (although I will be refraining from buying Emmenthal or Havarti for a little while as I jsut plow through those suckers.) I am pretty scatter-brained and haven't been reading and commenting on blogs, as I'm a wee bit forgetful just now. None of my lining is coming off, so it would seem, and I just don't feel my period is anywhere near, but once again, the RE told me the progesterone might keep the period from arriving anyway. I'm not really nauseaous although the idea of some foods puts me off and I have no interest in my good friend Pinot Grigio (which is a good thing, as I can't drink now.)

Previously we've had a very active sex life. It was like: Ooooooh!! Sex!!

Now? It's more like: Huh....oh yeah....sex.

The hormones knock your sex drive into left field, and the last time we tried to have a go it was very uncomfortable, like someone had shifted one of my kidneys and parked it on the outside of my cervix or something. It does make me feel very bad for my lovely boy who is probably more than a little sexually frustrated but as for the sex drive, well, when the get up and go has got up and went, I hanker for a hunk of cheese.

But there is one fantastic symptom I have-I am exhausted. Utterly, completely knackered all the time. I can take naps, I can wake up in the middle of the night and go right back to sleep, and when I go to bed the head goes down and I am out like a light. For a chick who's spent a lifetime battling insomnia and sampling the pharmaceutical wonders of the unable to sleep zone, I think progesterone is the world's best sleeping tablet, if only it weren't for the wind and the incredibly sore boobs.

My RE warned me off of doing any kind of Clearblue home pregnancy tests of any kind, and I have been against it-if it's negative it will be impossible to keep the positive mojo up. If it's positive, then it could be a false positive and come testing day I may stumble and fall. Either way, there's no way I could keep my reaction to myself, and so I just don't know about testing, although I think it's safest to not do it (but let's see how smug and full of resolve I am next week, huh? Yeah?)

And what constantly runs through my head is the mantra of every Jerry Springer trailer park Cindy Lee-Am I pregnant? Am I not pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I not pregnant?

Am I pregnant? Am I not pregnant?

Posted by Vanessa at May 4, 2006 09:03 AM | TrackBack