So I've had what's called a complete miscarriage-that means no medical intervention needed, the body is taking care of itself. I'm still bleeding and will continue for about another week, then all should be ok. The good news is I get to wear tampons now.
The bad news is I'm no longer pregnant.
I think I maybe suspected that when, late Sunday night, I had a blood clot the size of my palm come out. Whether that was the end of the embryo or I had passed it much earlier I don't know, all I know is that our hopes and dreams for IVF #4/2 are now property of Southeast Water.
I still have pregnancy symptoms, which both pisses me off and depresses me horribly. I'm waiting for the hcg to work its way out of my system.
I rang the fertility clinic and talked to them about another egg share cycle. They said that I would need to wait minimum until my next period before treatment, but they prefer that two natural periods have passed as it improves the success rate and reduces my chances of another miscarriage. A period post-miscarriage can take anywhere from 6-8 weeks to pop up.
So we have a long wait.
We have also agreed to not have any part of waiting-2ww or the 2 weeks after that, should it have worked-during a bank holiday. On IVF #1 I was pregnant (for a period of days only) but lost out over the Christmas break. On this cycle we lost out over the August Bank Holiday.
From here on, from implantation on, we've agreed that there will be no bank holidays in between.
We have also been taken on the egg share cycle again-they're looking to match us up to someone who once again will get half my stock of eggs. The plan is to have a few months now of periods, travelling, and managing to get through. I will begin down-regulation over Christmas, with stimming and retrieval in January. Although this likely interferes with/postpones the big away February holiday we usually take with his kids, we thought that this would give us something to look forward to in the new year.
We need something to look forward to in the new year.
I can't read most other blogs right now, I just can't face it. So if you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant, I am silently rooting for you but I can't handle it just now (and if you're an IF'er, I think and hope you understand). For the two others that also miscarried the same time I did, I'll be around.
I cry a lot.
Sometimes I sit there and think: I've forgotten something, I'm missing something. What is it?
Then I remember.
I apologize for not being funny.
Mostly, I apologize for not being.