There is no greater game of What If than IVF. IVF is the single biggest "Choose Your Own Adventure" story. Everything you do could lead to something else, or it could end the whole thing, or so you think anyway.
I bought a new soap/shampoo to try, which I did. And as I did it, I thought-what if switching from the soap I had been using (Philosophy's Grace) to a new one (Philosophy's Strawberry Milkshake) somehow threw the balance off, thereby causing the embryo to ditch me? What if there was some new chemical in the Strawberry Milkshake that soaked through my skin and killed the embryo, or what if the would-be baby was just a strawberry hater? I walk the puppy in a field near the house-if I turn left at the fork instead of right, has that altered the state of the universe, thereby causing the would-be pregnancy to end? The cat jumped on my lap, did it rupture the lining somehow? And I take the hospital's advice to drink 2 litres of water a day and a litre of milk, only the litre of milk is a stretch and I manage half of that, and it's really chocolate milk and not regular milk, so could the chocolate milk kill off my little cell?
It's constant, and never-ending. The what-ifs, the am-I-doing-it-right, the what-can-I-do-betters. I eat way more than I do when not going through this (although, with the exception of the chocolate milk and the mac and cheese I had today it tends to be healthy) as I figure something tells me that I'm hungry. If I get pregnant, I'll be set. If not, I'll crash diet anyway.
I'm now 9dp2dt. On Friday, I will at least have an answer one way or another.
Why, oh why, does your comments thing not remember my details even though I ask them to save them???? It hates me!!!
Anyhoo, thinking of you and are you not tempted yet to pee on a stick? I have a good feeling for you, sweetie!
Posted by: Pamplemousse at May 10, 2006 11:32 AMInstead of ruptures and embryo-killing, think of your little blastocyst (awww! Isn't it kayooot?) nestling into the wonderfully snuggly blanket of uterine lining you made for it.
I KNOW you can see it.
Now let's tuck him/her in.
If I could, I'd tuck you in and kiss your forehead and smooth the hair back from your brow.
Rest, dear child. Rest. I've a feeling you're going to need it.
:)
All my love,
M
Having never done IVF you can disregard anything I say if you want, but I have it on good authority that absolutely nothing you do at this point either helps or hurts the embryo. It's doing it's thing at the microscopic level. I know that's small consolation (or none at all). Chocolate milk is the elixir of the gods.
Posted by: Donna at May 8, 2006 07:53 PMI used to love those choose-your-own-adventure books.
Of course I cheated and worked my way back from the happy ending on the last page.
Wish I could do that for you!
HUGS!
Posted by: caltechgirl at May 8, 2006 07:21 PMI know, the obsession with detail is incredibly hard, isn't it?! Friday must still seem like a long way away. What kinds of things are you doing to distract yourself?
Posted by: thalia at May 8, 2006 06:34 AMVanessa! Looking forward to reading through your archives, 9dp2dt! Oh hell....the mental pain! I feel for you! I will be checking back on your little embryo & wish you all the best! Thanks for stopping by my blog & for owning up to similiar behaviour to mine! (I hate being such a pushover......and actually I think I am nearly at the end of my tether)
Posted by: Mony at May 7, 2006 10:26 PM