I don't know what it is, but for some reason I am feeling more...optimistic about IVF. Like surely, if I sacrifice virgins to the Pagan God of Trumpet Playing, give up my undying love of peanut butter, and make sure I paint polka-dots on my naked body under the amber Aries moon, that it will work. Something in my head is telling me that pregnancy is just around the corner, it's going to be here, it has to be so, much like Kathy Lee has to sing on every show! So it is written, so it shall be!
It's strange.
And dangerous.
We were tootling along through Ireland last weekend and Aidan asks me if I wanted to come back to visit. I say yes-I do want to visit again, I love Ireland. We tick off all of the European countries that I haven't seen-he's been to nearly all of them, I am missing a handful. He smiles and tells me that as he's imagined we will have "the pitter patter of little feet" (and he did say that like it was in quotes, he really finds that saying a bit much) next year that the European countries will be "easy" for travelling with children. Because with his two children he simply packed up their gear and took them around the world with him, from the time they were infants all the way through today. It's pretty much the same way I want to raise our child, should we be lucky enough to have this work. I want pictures of us standing on a mountain summit, with baby slung in the Baby Bjorn. I want snapshots of us paddling in clear sea water, with baby floating luxuriously in a puffy inflatable chair and slathered with sunscreen and baby sunglasses.
And for some reason, I can visualize it all, which maybe means that it will happen.
That, or I will have my heart irretrievably broken, which is something I'd rather not think about.
I think the start of a new cycle automatically puts hope at your door. It feels good and I want to enjoy it as long as it stays - you should too.
Your dream sounds so nice.
Our hearts could be broken whether we hope or not so I say - keep dreaming (the good ones, not the weird ones were you only have 3 eggs).
That's a beautiful image. And it's such a simple one, too, such an ordinary, everyday occurrence for so many people but one that continues to remain elusive for us.
I truly, truly hope it works for you.
Posted by: Ornery at February 17, 2006 02:04 AMIt's far better to think it will happen than to be all negative about it I think.
Posted by: Amanda at February 16, 2006 10:52 PMHi Vanessa, I hope it will happen for you too. I got the podcasts from the ipod music store, although they are free. If you just go to the front page of the music store there is a link to podcasts. You can also type 'buffy' in the search engine and podcasts come up along with everything else buffy - if it is buffy you are looking for! Have fun.
Posted by: thalia at February 16, 2006 10:13 AMSince I never got the opportunity to have a child I will send all my baby vibes your way. I am sending now, be prepared to receive :)
Posted by: cheryl at February 16, 2006 01:34 AMIt WILL happen. Just maybe not on your time scale. And maybe not the way you want as your first choice... I am keeping all my digits crossed for you guys!
Posted by: caltechgirl at February 15, 2006 11:20 PM